Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts

How to switch off in a switched-on world


How to switch off in a switched-on world - As I make dinner in my kitchen, my daughter is perusing Facebook, my husband is scrolling through emails on his BlackBerry, and my son is playing a game on his iTouch. I am texting friends and checking emails as I season the chicken. My whole family is here, but it’s strangely silent except for the clicks of keyboards. We are all in the same room, yet completely disconnected. I wonder, as I look at their faces, are these gadgets redefining us in ways we don’t realise?

Nicholas Carr, an influential writer and blogger on the social implications of technology, thinks so. His book The Shallows: How The Internet Is Changing The Way We Think, Read And Remember received tremendous media coverage worldwide before its release in the UK. It taps in to our deepest fears about the internet: that our brains will be overloaded and our synapses changed for ever and that ultimately artificial intelligence will overrule our brains as we become like the machines we created. ‘The pace at which technology emerges now doesn’t leave us time to consider its implications,’ he says.


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He’s not the only one to think so. Trend forecaster Richard Watson, author of Future Minds, believes we are moving towards a culture of ‘partial stupidity’. Our speed of communication will force people to respond without thinking things through, he says, and we’ll start to place a higher premium on hand-written documents and Wi-Fi-free cafés and hotels. As we reach the brink of ‘peak attention’ – the point at which our brains cannot absorb any more information – we’ll succumb to fatigue and stress.

Technology has always changed us. Television brought us 24-hour news and celebrity culture, and paved the way for the instant-access digital age. The clock ended our reliance on nature’s rhythms and regimented our living for ever. Even the printed page transformed our culture of oral narrative. Carr notes that the philospher Socrates feared the development of writing would make people forgetful. There were losses, and gains, but we adapted. So, do we really need to worry?

‘Perhaps not since early man first discovered how to use a tool has the human brain been affected so quickly and so dramatically,’ writes neuroscientist Dr Gary Small in his book iBrain: Surviving The Technological Alteration Of The Human Mind. He believes that digital technology is altering how we feel and behave, as well as the core circuitry of our brains.

Small distinguishes between ‘digital natives’ – those who have never known a world without texting, internet and home video games – and ‘digital immigrants’ – those whose neural pathways were shaped long before the advent of modern technology. His research shows that the neural networks in these two groups differ dramatically. In a recent study, the so-called natives, who used the internet regularly, showed greater brain activity in regions responsible for decision-making and complex reasoning, whereas ‘immigrants’ were better at reading facial expressions.

While it’s good news that internet use boosts some brain functions, Small is concerned about the growing body of research that shows an increase in scattered thinking among regular users of digital technology. We are living in a state of continuous partial attention in which we keep track of lots of things but don’t focus on one, as we constantly search for a new contact, new information or a titbit of gossip. In one study from the University of California, office workers were shown to spend only 11 minutes per project. Each time they were distracted from a given task, it took 25 minutes to return to it.

It’s in the economic interest of search engines ‘to drive us to distraction’, Carr points out, because we leave bits of information about ourselves as we jump about. This ‘constant crisis’ puts our brains in a state of heightened stress that continues after we log off, says Small, possibly even reducing short-term memory.

We may have been worried about the culture of distraction since the advent of MTV, but the latest wave of research suggests we aren’t just losing focus, we’re losing different modes of thought.

Carr suggests that search engines may diminish creative thinking because they ‘tend to serve as amplifiers of popularity’. Whether we research a historical topic, medical query or a product, we are following a script that reinforces a consensus about what information is and isn’t important.

In this way, he argues, ‘it’s possible that the internet can shape our thoughts as a society as we move towards a futuristic artificial intelligence’.
It is even possible that our increased use of the internet will affect us spiritually, as we spend less time in slow, deep thought. The act of contemplation not only helps us to combat stress, it helps us to feel connected to the world around us. ‘The easy access to information and open lines of communication are great benefits,’ he says. ‘But if that crowds out contemplative, solitary thought, then we lose what makes us distinctive as individuals and our entire culture reshapes itself to become more utilitarian and focused on efficiency.’

It’s possible that much of our hesitation about the demands of new technology is that we are still measuring our new way of thinking against the old. There are merits to each. It is up to us to decide how we use it.

‘The great achievements in art and culture have come from deep, solitary thinking, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only way,’ says Carr. ‘People think in many different ways and sometimes it’s great to be inundated with information and juggle lots of things.’

Present studies suggest that internet usage is crowding out other modes of thought and communication. But there is evidence of a movement resisting ‘our culture of distraction’, according to Maggie Jackson, author of Distracted: The Erosion Of Attention And The Coming Dark Age. In response to office workers complaining that they don’t have time to think anymore, particularly in creative professions, some organisations are setting up quiet rooms, where there is no technology and employees can go to think.

Jackson says that formal policies, such as ‘no emails on Friday’ and designated ‘think days’, have failed in workplaces, largely because she thinks the respect for contemplative time is a ‘collective social challenge’ that needs to come from everyone, rather than a top-down mandate. ‘We need to hammer out etiquette and social values to accompany these dramatic technological advances,’ says Jackson. ‘It’s a topic that needs to be addressed in schools, workplaces and homes.’

In the meantime, we can all think about our use of technology and make an effort to schedule time when we are completely ‘off’. Jackson suggests creating a ‘white room’ at home in which technology is prohibited, and to be aware of distractions and multi-tasking. If we don’t, then perhaps we will put ourselves in real danger of losing that private, quiet part of ourselves.

‘We don’t need to be Luddites or refuseniks,’ says Jackson. ‘But we do need to take tech breaks when we step away and remind ourselves what it means to be human.’ ( psychologies.co.uk )

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Royal wedding a business boom or drag?


Royal wedding a business boom or drag? — Surrounded by boxes in a rickety old warehouse above the family shop, Joe Church hurries to wrap plates adorned with the faces of Prince William and his bride Kate Middleton for a customer in Australia.

The Church's business, a 152-year old china and ornament seller specializing in memorabilia, has plenty of reason to celebrate the upcoming royal nuptials as its cash register chimes with the wedding bells.

"It's good for the royal couple, it's good for everyone in the U.K. and it's certainly good for business," beams Joe's Dad, Stephen Church, in front of a display of goods ranging from heart pillows to lookalike William teddy bears.

But just an hour down the road on a rainy building site outside Cambridge, it's a very different story.

For Dick Searle, the owner of a small eponymous digger rental service, the royal wedding — and an extra public holiday — couldn't come at a worse time. As Britain struggles to pull out of an economic downturn that has crippled the building industry, the last thing Searle needs is to pay his staff for a day with no work and leave expensive equipment idle.

"They didn't ask us about it, did they, and we are having it hard," says Searle as his crew lay a new driveway in the drizzle. "Good luck to people selling rubbish plates, but for us it's nothing but bad news."

Prime Minister David Cameron made the day a national holiday to allow everyone in the country an opportunity to celebrate. But the union of the photogenic young couple is proving a boon only for some British businesses — the cold statistics suggest it is actually a drag on the rest of the economy.

Analysts predict the April 29 wedding will provide a boost of up to 1 billion pounds ($1.6 billion) to the economy, largely through retail sales, hotel room bookings and the hospitality trade.

But each public holiday also typically costs the economy 6 billion pounds in lost productivity — leaving a 5 billion pound shortfall at a time when fears of a double-dip recession weigh heavily.

The Federation of Small Businesses, a leading lobby group in a country where the average business employs just four workers, is worried about the timing of the wedding. A public holiday to celebrate the event so soon after the Easter break increases the chances of many workers taking extra vacation time — or a few unauthorized sick days — to extend their time off.

Tour companies have reported gleefully that bookings are up from Good Friday until the Monday after the wedding — an 11-day block that makes it possible to go for a trip, say, to the Caribbean.

But giving workers extended leave is an unappealing prospect for many small businesses at a time of rising unemployment, surging inflation and harsh government spending cuts.

"It will be a difficult time for a lot of small businesses that had been looking for improvement at Easter," says Andrew Cave, the FSB's chief spokesman.

Still, supporters of the nuptials, are hoping that the feel-good factor generated by an extra day off will be worth the inconvenience and lost economic revenue in the longer-run.

"I think it's more about consumer sentiment," says Chris Simpson, marketing director at online shopping comparison site Kelkoo. "England as a country gets behind big events."

"At a time when the headlines seem to be dominated by bad news, the nation is rightly seizing the opportunity to celebrate something positive."

Cameron made the event a public holiday to ensure "that most people will have a chance to celebrate on the day." The hope is that the feel-good factor of an extra day off at a bleak time will offset any hits to the economy. In defense of the one-off holiday, his office noted businesses tied to leisure — like hotels and pubs — should do well.

National holidays were declared to mark the wedding of both Charles and Diana in 1981 and Queen Elizabeth II's Golden Jubilee in 2002. One is also planned for the queen's Diamond Jubilee next year.

The pressure group Republic, which campaigns for an elected head of state, said it was "absurd that the whole country gets a day off for something most people are not interested in."

"At least 20 percent of the population are opposed to the monarchy, many more simply don't care about it," said spokesman Graham Smith.

Among the clear winners are retailers, led by grocers who are banking on a boost to champagne and food sales over the weekend as people celebrate at home or at street parties, and sellers of wedding merchandise like Church's. More general retailers are also expected to see a small uptick as many people hit the shops on their extra day off.

In research for Kelkoo, the Center for Retail Research forecast the wedding to provide a 530 million pound ($856 million) boost to British retailers as around 4 million locals join the celebration in some way.

Many retailers have been quick to spot the opportunity in the biggest royal event since William's dad Charles married Diana in 1981.

Within hours of the couple's engagement announcement on Nov. 16, Wal-Mart Inc.-owned Asda supermarket was selling 5 pound commemorative mugs and Tesco PLC, the biggest retailer in the country, was sewing up versions of Middleton's royal blue engagement dress.

You can buy anything from tea towels to bargain-basement versions of Middleton's sapphire and diamond ring — famously first worn by Diana.

The New West End Company, which represents 600 retailers in central London, expects an extra 500,000 tourists over the royal wedding weekend to add some 50 million pounds in both retail and accommodation. Many hotels in the capital are fully booked, leading enterprising Londoners to offer private rooms for rent, with some charging as much as 2,000 pounds ($3,200) for the week.

VisitBritain, the main inbound tourism association, launched a new "Royal Britain" website last week to cash in on the wedding, giving potential visitors tips about where to go, what to see and what to buy.

There's also plenty of interest — and cash — coming in from people overseas who can't make it here for the first royal event of the internet era.

Church's online site, theukgiftcompany, has taken orders so far in excess of 100,000 pounds — 80 percent of those coming from the United States — and Stephen Church expects to hit seven figures before the big day.

"The level of interest from overseas has been quite staggering," he says. "This is really going to provide a bridge over the stormy waters that the recession is proving to be."

Searle still isn't convinced as he faces the likelihood of shutting down business for an extra week. He has a simple message for the happy couple: "Wills and Kate, I'm not against you, but you should have done what most people do and got married on a Saturday." ( Associated Press )



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Daytime Date Ideas


Daytime Date Ideas



Watch the Sun Rise

You’ve probably watched the sun set many, many times, but when was the last time the two of you caught the sunrise? Check the time online at SunriseSunset.com, grab a blanket and a thermos of hot cocoa, and enjoy the calmness of the morning hours together.

Street or County Fair

Whether it’s a pie bake-off on a farm or a falafel stand in the city, street and county fairs are great places to sample food and soak up the local flavor. During the holiday season, check out craft fairs too. You just might find some cool gifts.

Hiking

Even for couples living in a city, a wooded area or hiking trail is almost always within a 30-minute drive. Pack your hiking boots or a comfortable pair of sneakers, two large bottles of water and a small snack (unless you’ll be hiking all day, in which case, go all out with sandwiches). Find trails near you on Trails.com.

Bike Ride and Picnic

Bike to a scenic locale in your area – visit MapMyRide.com to find routes – and have a picnic at your destination. Spread a blanket on a flat spot, and dine on fresh fruit, chocolates, cheese slices, and other easy-to-carry-while-biking foods.

Ride in Style

Rent your dream car for the day from a service like Zipcar, which has rentals ranging from Mini Coopers to Mustang convertibles

Have a Spa Day

Book couples massages and other relaxing treatments at a local salon. Spend the day relaxing and getting pampered together.

DJ Lessons

This one’s a twofer: not only will you two learn how to spin on turntables and mix your own beats, you’ll be able to provide the entertainment at your next party.

White Water Rafting

Courses range in intensity from Class I (essentially smooth sailing with no experience required) to Class VI (picture The River Wild). Determine whether you want a leisurely drift or a white-knuckle thrill ride, then bon voyage.

Volunteer

Get your butts off the sofa and do some volunteer work together. It’s a great way to bond while doing something worthwhile. Carry that euphoric feel-good vibe home and get charitable between the sheets.

Rent a Boat

If you live near a marina, chances are you can rent a boat for a day and go for a sail. If you’re not the sailing type, go for a boat ride on a local waterway. Hint: pack a picnic! ( thenest.com )



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Pregnancy Myths -- Busted!


Pregnancy Myths -- Busted!. Do this. Don't do that. With all the pregnancy advice out there, it's hard to know what to believe -- or whom to believe. But remember, every pregnancy is different, so follow your doctor's orders above all else.




Myth 1: Eat Three Healthy Meals a Day

False! You should be eating six or seven small meals every two to three hours. "Eating frequently and from various food groups will keep your blood sugar in a constant range, which is healthy for you and your baby," says Stuart Fischbein, MD, coauthor of Fearless Pregnancy.

Myth 2: You Can Drink Alcohol

True! If you want to toast your sister at her wedding with a glass of bubbly, "go ahead," says Mary Jane Minkin, MD, a clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Yale University School of Medicine and coauthor of A Woman's Guide to Sexual Health. "One glass of wine isn't going to hurt the baby," she says. But one glass here and there doesn't mean nine -- in fact, two or more alcoholic drinks daily can lead to fetal alcohol syndrome. So while it's best to cut out alcohol completely, Dr. Minkin says that an occasional small glass of wine with your pasta primavera is harmless.

Myth 3: Decaf Only

False! One small cup of coffee a day is perfectly fine. While a recent study at McGill University in Montreal did find that the caffeine in two to three cups of coffee a day increases the risk of miscarriage, it didn't consider how the coffee was brewed and the type of coffee used. Dr. Minkin points out that a French blend served black is much stronger than a weak cup of American coffee mixed with milk. It's another controversial subject for sure, but moderate caffeine intake isn't likely to harm you or your baby. The same goes for sodas with a caffeine jolt.

Myth 4: Cut out the Cheese

True! Well, you don't have to ban all cheeses. Some kinds, like cheddar and Swiss, are innocuous because they've been pasteurized. It's the soft, unpasteurized products like Brie, feta, and goat cheese that might carry food-borne illnesses. If you're lucky, the market you frequent will carry pasteurized versions -- just start looking at labels more often. And then you can still enjoy your crackers with cheese.

Myth 5: You're Eating for Two

False! Pregnancy isn't a time to pig out. You certainly have a bit more leeway when it comes to a second helping of supper, but on average, women need only about 300 extra calories a day.

Myth 6: Say So Long to Seafood

False! Chances are that if the reputable (and tasty) sushi bar you love so much hasn't made you sick pre-pregnancy, you're not at risk when with child. Yes, there's a greater risk of ingesting bad kinds of bacteria from raw foods (so you might feel more comfortable with a cooked-shrimp roll), but if you had spicy yellowfin tuna before realizing you were pregnant, no harm done. The dangerous mercury levels, you ask? Again, it's all about moderation. Enjoy tuna on rye once a week, not daily.

Myth 7: You'll Have to Suffer Through Sickness

False! Many OTC meds are safe during pregnancy, but somehow women believe they need to put up with migraines and be a slave to the runs. Not so. You should consult your ob-gyn before you take anything, but many experts give the following drugs the green light: Tylenol for headaches and fever; Tums or Mylanta for heartburn; Imodium for diarrhea; Robitussin for colds; and Sudafed or Benadryl for allergies. Many prescription drugs are also okay to continue with during pregnancy, but again, follow your doctor's orders.

Myth 8: They'll Know You're Not a Natural Blond!

False! Being pregnant doesn't have to compromise your appearance (at least not above the belly), but you do need to be smart. Dr. Fischbein says that while there's a theoretical risk associated with coloring your hair (chemicals being absorbed through the scalp), studies haven't shown anything conclusive. He recommends avoiding dye for at least the first trimester, when the baby's organs are forming.

Myth 9: Manicures Are Out

False! You don't need to forgo weekly manis just because you want to be a mommy. "You would need massive and long-term exposure to the products before there was a chance of problems," says Dr. Fischbein. You might get a little nauseous from the fumes with your newfound sensitivity to odors, but if that's the case, make your appointments for less crowded times of the day. (thenest.com )


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In-Law Proof Your Home


In-Law Proof Your Home. Wait, is that the doorbell? It's time to hide the vices ( 71% of Nesties admit to doing it!) and steal these tips to make your abode more PG: parentally gratifying.

Whip out family photos

Replace those crazy Cancun pics of you doing apple-pie shots with family photos (son plus his beaming mom at the wedding is always a hit). Hint: Slide your family photo behind the crazy one in the frame. Should you get a surprise visit, you can quickly swap out the incriminating shot.






Bring out the blooms

Remember after your wedding, when you looked at each other and said, “What the hell are we going to do with all of these vases?” Pull them out and fill ’em with flowers.

Lower the bar

Your frat brothers might be totally impressed by your extensive, top-shelf bar, but if your in-laws see it, they’re going to spend the rest of the night researching Al-Anon groups on the Internet. Streamline your liquor selection and display just a few select bottles.

Hide the XXX stuff

Take a good look in your nightstand and goodie drawer and decide what you wouldn’t want them to see. Birth control pills, some lube, condoms and fun electronic devices scream, “Your child is having sex, dirty sex!” Stash it all in your sock drawer.

Stock the fridge

Parents always worry about whether their kid is eating right, so load your fridge with fresh fruit and veggies, and keep a variety of cookbooks in view...even if you’re really subsisting on Subway and cereal.

Show off the tchotchkes

When ol’ Betty and Bob come over, they’ll be looking around for the (tacky/cheap/inappropriate) gifts they bought you. So keep all the knickknacks you were given in a box under your bed and quickly display them right before your in-laws arrive. Once they leave, toss ‘em back in their hiding place. ( thenest.com )


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What are your friends for?


What are your friends for? -- There are friends that you have polite chats with, and there are your best friends. They're the people who root for you, no matter what. You tell them your deepest, darkest secrets, and instead of heading for the door, they stick around and your bond with them grows stronger.

A friend recently sent me news about some phenomenal successes he is enjoying in a new business venture. I responded enthusiastically about his amazing gifts. He e-mailed back: "You, my friend, are too much! But I must say, I love having my own cheering section!" I responded, without even thinking, "What are friends for?"

Precisely! Friendship is about being what a hero of mine described as "balcony people" instead of "basement people."

Basement people are those who live in our minds, telling us we will never amount to anything, that we are doomed to fail and that we are royal screwups.

Balcony people are those who are consistently cheering us on. "Go for it," they say to our attempts to find our voice, to live in ever widening circles, to dare, to create, to break through our lives' sound barriers.


Good friends cheer you on to "go for it" and stand by you when you're at your neediest.
Good friends cheer you on to "go for it" and stand by you when you're at your neediest.


While not all of us are made to be married or to live in an intentional formal community, be it a kibbutz, ashram, monastery, convent or commune, all of us are created to live in some form of friendship. Friendships are what help us be human.

Although my wife is indeed my soul friend, in this essay I am not using her as an example of friendship. The following thoughts are about something that is more universal than marriage -- having soul friends who are not one's partner or spouse.

My best friends and I get together regularly to share the deepest part of life, the part that is about Being as opposed to Doing. Sure, we speak about what we do in our jobs, our other relationships, our spiritual, sexual, athletic, medical, familial doings.

But the experiential, life-giving juice that feeds our soul and binds us together over the years and takes us to ever deeper dimensions is the conversation we have at the being level. That's the place where your soul stands naked before someone else and receives unconditional acceptance in return.

From time to time, we speak about what an exasperation-free oasis our friendship is. Both of us have had some important relationships that soured because someone got exasperated with us. Not that we didn't deserve it.

But there is something about my best friends, who just don't get exasperated with me, no matter how much I deserve it. As a result, I am not guarded with them, and when we fall back into old patterns of thinking, "If I tell him this, the friendship is over," that's where we have over the years taken the risk to tell it all. That's where the friendship is made even stronger.

My best friends are the people with whom I feel safe to talk about mad, sad and hurt feelings. Most other relationships stay at the feeling levels where everything is "fine," although we all know that's not true. But my best friends never shy away from those times when we feel the neediest -- when our feelings have been hurt, when we are so angry we could spit fire, when we are grieving and depressed, when we feel unacceptable. Over and over, those are the times that have made us feel more bonded.

The secret to all of this is that best friends are invested in being their true selves. Sure, they tolerate any posturing that comes from the false self. But the safety of the friendship is such that in their presence I can feel the superficiality of any of my ego-based claims or judgments. With that realization, I remember that I don't want to live on the surface of life, and then I simply move into the deeper waters where my true self waits to cool, refresh and renew.

For me, investing in time with my best friends is profoundly spiritual. Standing naked before another, knowing that acceptance will trump exasperation and working through tough feelings as well as surface living to move to the true self is the essence of life with God. We can't be fully alive without it. ( cnn.com )



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Sleep Apnea May Cause Nighttime Urination


Sleep Apnea May Cause Nighttime Urination. Many doctors unaware the sleep disorder boosts urine production, experts say

People who wake up during the night to urinate shouldn't automatically blame a urological problem. Sleep apnea, a breathing-related sleep disorder, could be the cause.

A new study suggests that nighttime urination, or nocturia, is comparable to loud snoring as a marker for obstructive sleep apnea, a disorder in which soft tissue in the throat blocks the flow of air into the lungs, disrupting sleep.

Previous studies established a link between nocturia and sleep apnea, a potentially serious condition that affects about 25 percent of U.S. men and 10 percent of U.S. women, the researchers said. But they believe this is among the first to show that screening for nocturia could help doctors identify patients with apnea.

The study also suggests that a common treatment for sleep apnea -- positive airway pressure (PAP) therapy -- can reduce symptoms of nocturia, thereby improving sleep and preventing debilitating falls among elderly people who get out of bed at night to use the bathroom.

PAP involves wearing a pressurized air mask while sleeping.

Typically, doctors screen for apnea by assessing patients' weight (the condition is associated with overweight/obesity) and asking if they snore heavily, notice breathing problems at night or feel tired during the day (because of interrupted sleep). But because many patients, especially those who sleep alone, are unaware that they snore, apnea often goes undiagnosed.

"When you ask people about symptoms like snoring and gasping, they tend to say, 'No, I don't have them'," said study author Edward Romero, research coordinator at the Sleep & Human Health Institute in Albuquerque, N.M. "But it's very easy for them to realize that they wake up at night to go to the bathroom."

One of Romero's co-authors, institute director Dr. Barry Krakow, said doctors and patients are quick to blame nocturia on diabetes, prostate enlargement and other medical conditions with which it is associated. "I see patients all the time who think they're waking up to urinate because they have prostate trouble or a small bladder," Krakow said. "About 80 percent of the time we discover that apnea is the cause of their problem."

Besides nocturia and snoring, symptoms of sleep apnea include daytime drowsiness, memory problems and depression. Untreated sleep apnea can lead to high blood pressure, blood clots and heart disease.

For the study, published online recently in Sleep and Breathing, the researchers reviewed data on 1,007 adults treated at two sleep clinics in New Mexico between 2005 and 2007. Of the participants, 797 were diagnosed with sleep apnea, 777 reported snoring and 839 reported nocturia. Neither snoring nor nocturia was proof of apnea, but the two symptoms were similar in their power to predict it: snoring was reported by 82.6 percent of apnea sufferers, and 84.8 percent of apnea sufferers reported nocturia.

The authors propose further research be conducted to confirm the effectiveness of nocturia as an apnea screening tool.

Mary Umlauf, a professor at the University of Alabama Capstone College of Nursing in Tuscaloosa and a noted nocturia researcher, said the study could play an important role in dispelling "old wives' tales" about nocturia.

"Many health-care providers and ordinary people think of nocturia as a urological or gynecological problem," she said. "They don't understand that sleep apnea can cause the body to produce too much urine at night.

"People who wake up to urinate shouldn't assume that it's my prostate, or 'I'm just old'," she said. (HealthDay News)


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Why Nice Guys Finish Last New Research Points to Biological Reason Why Girls Like Bad Boys


Why Nice Guys Finish Last. New Research Points to Biological Reason Why Girls Like Bad Boys. Ricky Menezes, a 22-year-old from Marlborough, Mass., says he knows he will hook up with "about 20 girls" in the next month.


nice guy
New research suggests that bad boys may indeed beat nice guys when it comes to getting female attention.
(Getty/ABC News)

How does he know this, you ask? Ricky knows this because he's what we call a "bad boy" -- the type of guy who knows exactly how to act, what to say and how to manipulate women into giving him what he wants.

"It all started in high school," Ricky said. "I started being the outgoing, crazy, funny kid that everyone thought was fun and wanted to hang out with."

After being validated by his peers in high school, Ricky said he has more or less mastered the art of being a bad boy, and has done so with one overriding goal in mind -- sexual conquest.

"I don't pretend to be anything I'm not," Ricky said. "I'm honest and outspoken. I say that I'm just looking to hook up. ... I'm not afraid to go for it, and I rarely get rejected.

"Oh, and I'm in a band. You have to be in a band. Girls love guys in bands," he added.

Most everyone knows -- or at least knows of -- a stereotypical "bad boy" like Ricky. The guy with such high self-esteem he could aptly be called a narcissist. The guy who wins women over with deceit, callousness and impulsive behavior. Basically, the type of guy who resembles a real-life version of Hugh Grant's character in "Bridget Jones' Diary."

The success of Ricky and so many other "bad boys" with women seems to add weight to the popular saying "good guys finish last."

And there might be more than just a grain of truth in these mantras about bad boys; new research suggests they might actually be attracting more women than their "nicer" counterparts.

The Positive Side of Negative Traits

Researchers at New Mexico State University in Las Cruces gave 200 college students personality tests to see how many of what psychologists call "dark triad traits" they possessed. These traits include callousness, impulsive behavior, extroversion, narcissism and various other anti-social traits for which "bad boys" are known.

The researchers also asked about the student's sex lives, their feelings about sexual relationships, their number of sexual partners, and what they are seeking in sexual or romantic relationships.

According to Peter Jonason, lead study investigator, although society tends to look down upon these "negative" dark triad personality traits, there seems to be quite an upside to being a bad boy.

"We would traditionally consider these dark triad traits to be adverse personality traits, and we think women would avoid these kinds of men, but what we show is counterintuitive -- that women are attracted to these bad boys and they do pretty well in terms of sheer numbers of sexual partners," Jonason explained. "They're taking quantity over quality as their sexual agenda, being serially monogamous and having multiple partners or one-night stands."

Jonason compared the type of "dark triad bad boy" that the study refers to as a modern-day James Bond figure -- a man with little empathy for others, a penchant for fast cars and even faster women, and a seeker of short-term rather than long-term goals -- especially concerning the opposite sex.

And because these characters appear in this study to be successful at achieving their short-term goals -- which, in this case, is a short-term sexual relationship -- Jonason believes such character traits have persevered in so many people because they seem to be evolutionarily successful.

"Dark triad traits are useful in pursuing our agendas at any given time," Jonason explained. "If you like someone and want to meet them and date them, people who have the dark triad traits appear to be more successful at facilitating short-term mating."

Jonason validated this point with a comparison to the popular VH1 show "The Pick-Up Artist," wherein nerdy, nice guys meet with a typical bad boy to learn how to pick up more of these dark triad traits -- and also more women.

Nice Guys Win in the End

But some experts say it might not be so simple.

Heather Rupp, a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction, believes that the reason women may be drawn toward the "bad boys" is more because of physiology more than psychology.

"I think it goes back to the physiological underpinnings of such an attraction," Rupp said. "For instance, testosterone is a hormone that in men is linked to more dominant personality traits -- outgoing personalities and charm and things like that. And men with higher testosterone are rated by independent observers as being more outgoing and charming than others."

Some experts, however, believe that these narcissistic males tend to embellish the self-reported tales of their own sexual conquest, leading others to believe they are more sexually successful than they really are.

"People high in dark triad traits tend to say what they think others want to hear," said Everett Worthington, professor of psychology at Virginia Commonwealth University.

Moreover, Worthington notes that while some of these males may be more successful at short-term sexual relationships, their overall success with long-term relationships is often compromised by their dark triad traits.

"The manipulative 'It's all about me, so tell 'em anything to get sex' behavior is likely to have more short-term sexual success," Worthington said. "A strategy of building trust and intimacy and commitment is, by nature, going to take longer. Thus, the payoffs are likely to be greater in the short term. However, long-term relationship survival is likely to be strongly disadvantaged in people with dark triad traits."

So maybe good guys don't always finish last. ( abcnews.go.com )


READ MORE - Why Nice Guys Finish Last New Research Points to Biological Reason Why Girls Like Bad Boys

Some Lip Gloss May Promote Cancer


Some Lip Gloss May Promote Cancer. There's No Proof Yet But Beware Gloss With No SPF. Spring is here, legs have been reacquainted with the razor and women are buying lots of shimmery lip gloss on impulse.

But have you heard the buzz that cheap, fun, non-SPF gloss can possibly increase your skin cancer risk?

Here's the theory:

Some dermatologists have said that the translucent sheen helps ultraviolet rays penetrate the already fragile skin of the lips -- thereby increasing your risk. These dermatologists may be on to something, according to some of the top experts in the field.

Dr. Jessica Fewkes, a face and neck skin cancer specialist at Harvard, draws a cautious analogy between wearing non-SPF (sun protection factor) lip gloss in the sun and using baby oil to promote tanning. "You might be able to infer that they both enhance UV exposure," she says.

Dr. Kevin Cooper, chairman of the dermatology department at Case Western Reserve in Cleveland, explains that any increased penetration of ultraviolet rays would be due to "enhanced optical passage" of the dangerous rays. But the increase, he qualifies, would be small.

Here's the catch:

There are no large, targeted studies proving or disproving this theory, which makes Fewkes, Cooper and the American Cancer Society reluctant to draw fixed conclusions.

Dr. Len Lichtenfeld, the society's deputy chief medical officer, says that it seems "like just a theory."

"It's OK," he adds, " to have theories about how diseases are caused or influenced, but we have to see evidence. There should be an effort made to do large, population-based studies."

And, in the absence of such studies, it's hard to get a simple yes or no from a doctor.

Nevertheless, specialists agree that just as it's universally recommended that people wear at least SPF 15 on their faces, it makes sense to do the same for the lips. And in these UV-ray conscious times, it's not hard to find gooey pink gloss that comes with protection.

And consider this:

According to Cooper, squamous cell carcinoma (the kind of cancer that makes up 90 percent of new cases of lip skin cancer each year) has a higher risk of metastasis on the lips. That means that it's more likely to aggressively spread if it starts on your lips than if the same kind of cancer appears first on other parts of the skin.

Bonus:

If you really need another reason to make sure your gloss is SPF 15, think about the prematurely wrinkle-mouthed look you probably want to avoid. Fewkes says that if gloss does, in fact, increase lips vulnerability to UV rays, it stands to reason that it promotes photoaging as well.

"The damage done short of a true cancer can be very difficult to treat," she says, referring not only to painful fissures, but to solar keratosis -- nonmalignant yet unpleasant crusty bumps. ( abcnews.go.com )



READ MORE - Some Lip Gloss May Promote Cancer

Sad Dads May Lead to Crying Infants


Sad Dads May Lead to Crying Infants More factors should be considered than depression among moms, experts say. Don't automatically blame mom: A crying, colicky baby can be just as much the result of dad's state of mind, Dutch researchers report.

Other studies have found that depression among mothers can be related to excessive crying or colic, a common problem with newborns, but the researchers said that little was known about whether fathers' emotions and behavior also have an effect.

"Up to now, almost all attention went to the prenatal effects of maternal depression on child development, leading to the development of detection and treatment programs that focused on mental well-being of mothers," said lead researcher Dr. Mijke P. van den Berg, a psychiatrist at the Erasmus Medical Center in Rotterdam.

"This study showed the importance of taking paternal factors and well-being during pregnancy into account, next to maternal," she said.

The report is published in the July issue of Pediatrics.

To see how parental depression was related to excessive crying, van den Berg's team gathered data on symptoms of depression among parents of 4,426 infants who were 2 months old. Excessive crying was defined as crying for more than three hours a day on more than three days in the past week.

Overall, just 2.5 percent of the infants in the study fit the excessive crying criteria. But, the researchers found a 30 percent higher risk for depression among parents whose infant cried excessively.

"This finding could not be attributed to co-existing depressive symptoms of the mother, which is already known to be a risk factor for excessive infant crying," van den Berg said. It could be related to genetics, a depressed father or, indirectly, through factors such as marital, family or economic stress, she said.

In fact, a dad with symptoms of depression was twice as likely to have an infant who cried excessively as was a dad who was not depressed, the study found.

"Fathers do matter, so take care for the mental well-being of fathers during pregnancy," van den Berg said.

Dr. Jon Shaw, a professor and director of child and adolescent psychiatry at the University of Miami Miller of School of Medicine, said that the study shows how depression can lead to infant's excessive crying.

"This study demonstrates in a paradoxical way the importance of fathers, in that fathers' measurable depression during pregnancy is a risk factor for excessive infant crying at 2 months of age," Shaw said.

"This seems to be related perhaps to the enduring effects of fathers' depression on the family ambience, the parental relationship, child parenting and, perhaps as the authors suggest, there may be a genetic factor involved," he said. (HealthDay News)


READ MORE - Sad Dads May Lead to Crying Infants